At one moment in life, we might feel like we’re lagging behind especially when we compare ourselves to those around us. Comparing ourselves to the other is not a good thing from the very first place, indeed, but we can’t help it at most of the times.
In my case, I do often feel like I’m being left behind. My friends are getting married and build their household together with their loved ones already. My friends are going abroad to pursue a master degree and exercise their passion in learning. My friends are being promoted here and there, moving to a more and more prestigious company. My friends are… my friends are… my friends are. I happened to write this too on another story and my stance is still the same: the list will keep on going if we compare ourselves to the others because we will always see them as someone who is “more” than us.
Then again, sometimes we can’t help but compare ourselves to the other. However now that I learn it, the only person we have to compare ourselves to is our past-self. Meaning, the yesterday us, the weeks ago us, the last month us, the last year us, etc. By doing so, we’ll be able to see how improved we have been, and perhaps find a tiny bit of gratitude that we’re going somewhere.
“You are the greatest project you will ever work on”
By being in a depressive state, I have the experience that it doesn’t always work. I tried so hard to compare myself only to my past-self but I can’t seem to see the improvement. I relook again and again to convince myself that I am moving forward, for the better, and more of everything but I can’t seem to believe in that idea. For weeks I was feeling down and sad thinking that even compared to my past-self, the today me have no any improvement, even degrading that there is. I struggled to find the happiness and a tiny will to live until I read this
“You are in the position where you are meant to be”
I am meant to be broken down and get a depression so that I can bloom to be someone better again one day. I am meant to be in this state because I am part of someone else’s path. I meant to meet my doctor, my friends, my family, my lover, because I am part of their life story and so do they part of my story. I am where I am meant to be.
It’s okay that we’re currently feeling low and losing appetite to do almost everything. Even if we live just to pass the day, it’s okay. We are meant to be broken first so we can mend ourselves to be someone better. The journey is not easy, indeed. But thank you for surviving.
I once heard of a beautiful analogy of ourselves being broken and mend to be better: Japanese’ Kintsugi
It is the art of repairing broken pottery by connecting the broken pieces with a liquid of gold. The repaired pottery will look even more beautiful compared to how it was before being broken.
The lines that shows it has ever been broken cannot be erased but rather it is seen as a beautiful part of the pottery. So does our scars. Whatever that hurts us today, that broke us down into pieces will remain as a part of ourselves. However, it can be seen as a beauty seeing how through this process we will one day bloom again.
It’s okay. Perhaps these days are not the days when we will bloom. Perhaps today will only be a so-so day so does tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and the upcoming days(sssss). Perhaps. And that’s okay. We’ll bloom again one day. Now is the phase of post-broken down and trying our best to mend ourselves back. One day, we will bloom again beautifully.