You are Not A Loser : Here’s Why Comparing Ourselves is Dangerous.

Suara Senar Nirwana ⑇
4 min readJan 17, 2022

You’re not any less if you’re not like ‘them'

Let’s begin with some stories I got from my surroundings.

One time, he hurriedly come asking for a hug. When he finally get so, he burst into tears. Main reason was that he was so desperate of looking for a job, feeling like a total loser when almost all of his friends in the circle already got an offer. He feel like a trash, value-less, a burden, and whatever bad things you could say. While actually, does his friend see him any less? Does his friend see themselves any more than him? No they didn’t, no.

Another time, a person called. When the call is picked up answered by a welcoming hello, she burst into tears feeling like she lose over another woman by the fact that her ex is now in a relationship with other girl. She feel less of a woman, less beautiful, less everything that her ex could find in another woman. Or, she thinks so. Because after all, does her ex actually date another woman just because this woman is in all aspects better than her? No, prolly no.

One other story, a person shared everything she experience on a social media just to be seen “more" because after all this time, she has been feeling less when she look at her friend’s Instagram feed with lots of achievements posted. She even have to highlight all of her updated story just to make sure that people will see it again and that she’s nothing less. Meanwhile, do people only look at her profile page and keep on repeating same stories highlighted over and over again? No darling, no.

One more story from another girl. She knows her ex is still in contact with his other ex. She wanted to make sure that this ex of his should know and stop feeling more than her because she also still in contact with him. She followed all social media related to her ex, she liked all posts he made just to make sure that his other ex thinks that in terms of communicating with him, his other ex is nothing more. That she is nothing less. Meanwhile, does his other ex actually care? No for sure, no.

From those stories what can we conclude?

It is all is just in your head.

Comparing is sometimes, or most of the times, happened in the back of our mind. We perhaps do not intend to compare ourselves with others but we cannot help it since human has desire and another person might get if first before us. But… that’s it, isn’t it?

We have our own timing.

This may sounds classic and you perhaps has read it many times, but it’s still relevant so I bring it here again. It is, their timing and not yours. It’s your friend’s timing already to get a job and not yours. It’s your ex’s timing already to be in a relationship with someone else and not yours.

People start in a different page of paper, and thus comparing our life is becoming irrelevant. No one in this world will win or lose just because he get it first or get it later.

Comparing ourselves will only become an endless process of hurting ourselves because then we will be clouded over by what other have, by wanting what other have, without actually seeing the true beauty from within, from ourselves.

You might die from your own thought.

Elizabeth Day says it in her book “Failosophy” that among one of the 7 concepts of failure, she says

“you’re not your worst thought”

Because indeed, you are not. We cannot be defined just by our past, nor just by our present. We are a whole of what we have been through and so when our thoughts has its tendency to think bad about ourselves especially upon triggered by other’s fancy life, we have been so harsh with ourselves. In most cases, we let our thought consume us but if you read my previous story right before this one, I have told you that our thought is the beginning and the ending of all.

It is from our thought that we start comparing ourselves with others. It is from our thought that we start belittling ourselves compared to others. It is also our thoughts that start to make us feeling less, insecure, bad, and just.. assh*le.


It is also from our thought that can stop it all. All at once. Stop right there at whatever you think about yourself and take a moment of spacing, of sleeping, of going outside, and of whatever you can to clear your mind. Our thoughts is among one part in our body that never really stopped unless we’re dead. So, in the next session of your breath, take your moment to be aware with your thoughts. Take your moment to be aware with yourself.

Not being compared to others either less or more. Not being compared to anything but your past self. Because comparing ourselves to others will bring us nowhere but to a point of devastation. But comparing ourselves to our past self will bring us to a sense of improvement and the need to fight better for ourselves.

Hang in there, we can still be better on our own. Hang in there, most of our thoughts are just assumption.

Happy Monday ❤



Suara Senar Nirwana ⑇

This is Anin’s public diary consist of her opinion, experience, and thoughts.