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We will always know when is the first time, but we can’t be so certain about the last time.
And thus, we crave for closure.
I remember the first time I landed in Københavns Lufthavn, the Copenhagen Airport for the first time and I said to myself
“Wow, I am in Europe. I am in Europe, alone, chasing my dream”.
That moment was clear, it was my first time in Copenhagen. My first time in Europe which was also the door to so many first time thing that I will experience during my autumn semester exchange back in 2019. When the experience comes to an end, I said to myself before leaving the airport that this will be my last time coming to Lund and living in Lund.
Lund, as much as the beauty this city holds, it was quite depressing for me. The small town was tranquil for my busy soul who was used to the hustle between Bandung, Jakarta, and everywhere possible every two weeks. The situation led me to be sure that I would not return to Lund and that would be the last time I lived here.
Obviously, that was wrong. Totally wrong.
As I indulge that busy and hustling lifestyle again full-time in Jakarta, I long for the quiet and slow-living moment Lund has to offer. I tried to look into other countries, cities, and universities that have the right master's program best fit to what I need but my heart ended up attracted back to Lund. There was some doubt, unsure if I would be able to handle the ‘too quietness’ again, but I guess the desire and need to reach my dream was stronger and the doubt dissolved as time moved.
I am back here again, so I was wrong, and probably this year would actually be the last time I live here, but I can’t really be sure of that.
This situation actually happens in a lot of cases and in my 26 years of observation, the uncertainties of last time lead us to crave closure so we have the grip, we have the control, we have it on our hand that we end it.
Especially with the good things that we want to taste again for at least one last time…
