On Asking The Right Thing to God

and how it has helped me become more at ease

I cried this morning realizing how kind Allah to me is. This writing would suits best if you are a muslim, but if you are not, I hope you can also learn something from this writing and see ways how you can apply it too in your own belief.

It still fresh in my mind; the days when I want to go study abroad for my master degree. I want it so bad that I am willing to pay for any help, any course, anything that could help me get there. For three years I have tried to apply, for three years as well I have been rejected. Some rejection were from the universities directly, some come from the scholarship without which it would be impossible for me to go. I’m not that privileged to be able to study a master degree abroad on my own funding. Nevertheless, that is not the point.

The point is how I want it so bad. Especially this year when I’m turning 25, I feel like I’m in my best age to go study a master this year and I really really want it so bad after 2 previous years of failure to go. I want it so bad that I write that dream every single day on every single page of my diary entry. I mention it in every prayer and in every last prostrations of every salat. I want it so bad that it becomes the first and last thing I would think of everytime I wake up and go to bed. Until one day, I feel at ease for letting go of that dream.

There comes a day when a few other dreams start to ignite inside my heart. I believe in the saying that Allah will not plant seeds of dreams inside our heart without any meaning. It could be that Allah intended that seeds to grow so we will do our best to reach it before Allah actually gives it. It could be that Allah is trying to show us the alternatives to our current dreams. It could also be the way of Allay giving us lessons so that we get closer to Him. Whatever was Allah’ intention that allowed some seeds of dreams to grow inside of me, that dreams clash so much with my desire of studying a master degree this year.

I have for specific 2 dreams that I can’t yet share with you for now. But the thing is, both of the dreams can’t come true if I go to get my master this year. My master can be postponed, the 2 dreams can be postponed as well but I want 3 of them immediately. However yes, I cannot. So there was a day when I get so confuse and anxious over my future. I don’t know what to decide, then I eventually ask Allah for all of the 3 things. My heart wasn’t at ease somehow…