Normalize Having Kids When You’re Stable & Ready — Even if it Means It Is Your Late 20s or Early 30s.

Being married, I get a lot of people asking when I will be having kids — maybe you don’t relate to this but people in my home country tend to be really curious with this topic. Especially with me already past my mid 20s but currently busy studying on the other part of the world, probably got people to think that I might have children a bit later in my life. Truth is, for me, it’s not about my age, it’s never about my age. I want to be sure that I reach stability and maturity level needed to have a child because it is a huge responsibility and commitment.

Yes, people’s stability and maturity highly differ from people to people. However, these days, news about a young mother who does not even know that a baby should not eat honey, or young couples being in financial straits trying to afford quality education for their children only to end up being stressed and lashing out anger to their spouse, raise a serious concern for me about having kids at our early 20s. Common arguments for early parenthood, such as being present for children’s milestones, often overlook the potential challenges associated with unpreparedness.

Many argue that they want to have kids at early 20s

“So when the kid goes to college, we’re not retired yet”

“So when they’re adult, we’re still there”

or,

“So when it’s time for our kid to get married and have children, I can meet with my grandkids”

I would say, these are pathetically ignorant. One should have kid not because of the future condition of the kid that makes them force themselves to have kids early in their 20s, but one should have kid because they’re ready, because they know they can and will give the best for their children.

Many young parents face financial struggles, inadequate child care, and emotional strain, which can negatively impact their children’s well-being. It’s crucial to focus on building a strong foundation before starting a family, ensuring that one can provide a stable, nurturing environment for the children.

I personally planned to have kids in my late 20s or early 30s because rather than ensuring that when my children are in college I am not retired yet, I would rather being stable and mature enough that I can raise a hardworking, resilient, and smart kid so they can go on their own. It is not worth to still be alive only to be resented by our kids for our inability to give a stable childhood. It is not justified to have kids early so we can still be there when they’re adult because no one knows how long we will live and regardless, it should be a matter of us wanting to stay alive and healthy no matter the age.

People keep saying that when we reach 30, it seems too late to have kids. Late 30s, physically, yes as research shows that risk of miscarriage increases as we age. However, this does not mean we have to sacrifice stability and maturity — these comes first before everything else when it comes to having a kid.

It is very irresponsible of adults for not being able to afford quality life for their children, for allowing horror to take place in the house due to unstable mental health, or for not being present for their children due to marriage issues that was not solved, rather locked in due to having kids. Postponing a career is one thing, and indeed a choice. However, there are cases where resentment grows toward the children for blocking the parents, especially the mom’s dream and this is not at all the fault of the kid.

Personal fulfillment and career growth is another aspect that support stability and maturity for having kids, often leading to having kids at a later age after everything has been achieved. People have various views on this, but for me, fulfilling my dreams will enable me to have a strong foundation to better equip me entering a parenthood era.

Thus, if you’re stable and ready early in your early 20s to have kids, good for you. But if you’re not, do not sacrifice your stability, do not sacrifice your children’s quality childhood era for your own personal want in the future.

Love,
Anin