I Guess in the End, I Am Saying Goodbye.

No, I am not. This is me giving answers to my own suicidal notes. I once had a suicidal thought. Times, actually. And at one of the times, I wrote a draft and plan it to be published after my planned death time. Thank God I survived the thoughts and here I am answering my own sense of helplessness while being in the state of hopefulness. The writing in italic other than in this paragraph is what this writing consists of originally. The normal font is my answers.

It’s been… what? two weeks? months? years? It’s been going on for so long but hey we’ve been holding on this long. We’re so strong that even after this long, we’re still holding on and able to go through whatever’s ahead.

I don’t know for sure of what is happening to me but what I know is that my mind is currently clouded by bad memories, suicidal thoughts, and a huge willingness to end my life. I guess I am saying goodbye tonight. No, I am not. Sometimes our head are clouded with bad thoughts but amidst the darkness, there will always be light for those who keen on looking. Do not let the bad thoughts consume you. Your mind is yours, we’re the one who can control it. So once bad thoughts cloud over your mind again, ask your own mind “Oh really?”. Always challenge those bad thoughts because most of the time, it’s just in our head.

It was just yesterday when I had fun with my boyfriend. We spend the night having a deep talk, sharing our thoughts and clearing our minds post stressful and super tiring work on that day. It was good. It…