Body Shaming vs Freedom of Opinion, huh?
Rumor has it, human is a being who is always unsatisfied of anything. Many of us may have felt, or still feel unsatisified of ourselves. That my body is too short, too tall, too skiny, too fat, too much acnes, too bright, too dark, my hair is too curly, too straight, my face is too dry, too oily, too dirty, and too much of everything else then. You may have feel it, I do too. Judging ourselves, constantly feeling insecure, trying so hard to accept ourselves and be okay with it is not something we do and finish overnight. It’s a journey and in most times, it’s a hell one.
So, how does it feel, when the hell of a journey, when you’re in the middle of it or probably almost reaching the finish line, or even better you’re on the finish line already feeling satisfied with yourself, yet someone feel justified to let out any of her thoughts saying bad words that either directly or indirectly, hurts you and dismiss all of your effort in that hell of a journey?
How does it feel?
It feels like…..
oh welcome to another hell.
your hell is not yet finished and never will.
Enough for you is not enough for the other then. The one who believe that it is justified to let any of her thought out argues that we “have a freedom of speech, dont we?” and as a human being we “cannot be a hypocrite with ourselves”. A further elaboration of thy argument is saying that “we should not say good when inside we think it’s bad” — Do not say that someone is beautiful for what they are when honestly our beauty standard is totally the opposite of her. Do not hold back when our visual is polluted by such an unpleasant views. Let it out when you think something is bad, say that it is. When you think someone is ugly, say that he is. — Because it’s a freedom of speech afterall, one would argue.
But, does freedom of speech actually justify you to humiliate others? does your freedom of speech actually entitle you with rights to say harsh, bad, hurtful comments towards another human being?
You could say yes to the question above, but here’s a better reason to say no.
1. Freedom is Limited.
Every human being in this world is entitled with a freedom. “By free, it means that we have rights to do whatever we want and there is no boundaries, right?” But sorry darling, there is. The limitation to our freedom is another person’s freedom. Imagine that our freedom is a circle. At some point, our circle will intersect with another person’s circle. When they let it happen, it’s a good encounter of communication between social being. When they don’t, that’s when we cross the boundaries in an impolite manner.
We have the right of speech to say whatever we want, but think of the consequences where it might be hurting another people’s right to live free of hate. We have the right to comment whatever we see, but think of the boundaries which is another people’s right to act and behave the way they want. So, instead of bothering ourselves with thinking whether our bad comment will infringe other people’s right or not, or whether our harsh, hurtful, bad judgement will actually cross the boundaries of other people’s right to live free of fear, why don’t we just keep those words to ourselves?
We cannot lie. We do have preferences. What we like, may be disliked by others. What we hate, may be loved by someone others. But, when it comes to a bad, harsh, hurtful or anything that is unpleasant, can we just keep it to ourselves? Saying it in front of a people is bad, even worse spreading the hate on the internet where it might indirectly insult the people you didnt mean to insult at the very first place. Because second,
2. We don’t know what other people is going through.
This argument may sounds cliché. I also read it a lot in many social media recently. But this one is a really strong argument on why we should keep bad thoughts to ourselves.
When you say that someone is too skiny and that she should gain some weight, have you ever wondered that if these whole time she has been trying to gain some weight but she couldn’t? When you say that someone’s face is too much of an acne, have you ever wondered what a hell of journey she has been going through all these years to fix her face? If your answers to the question is no, then shut up. Even if your answers to the question is yes, then my follow up question will be, what benefit do you actually gain by commenting badly upon people’s appeareance? Does it actually calm your heart? Does it make you feel prettier? Ugh.
Very well then, but the debate does not stop there. “So, does it mean that when people are actually looking bad, should we say that they are good?” or “When people are actually looking hillarious, should we say that they are gorgeous just the way they are?” then “Isn’t that lying? and lie is such a bad thing to do, isn’t it?” My argument will be that indeed, we should not lie, but we could communicate it in a good manner and here’s how.
1. Help People to Accept Themselves.
Say that someone’s body is too fat or too skiny to the point that it is actually dangerous for her health, we could first encourage the person to accept her body the way it is. Because if we cannot accept our body the way it is, we will always be sad, regretful, hateful, and blaming ourselves for a mistake that is actually not even ours to begin with. Accepting our body does not mean that we do not want to improve our body condition. In fact, acceptance is the very first step towards body improvement.
Only by accepting ourselves for ourselves, we will start to see the room for improvement the way we want, and thus we will work for it.
Indeed, acceptance is not easy. But that is the point. When someone feels hard to accept themselves on their own, what justify us to say bad comments that might actually make it even harder for them to accept themselves?
2. Respect their Decision
Encourage whatever decision people made for their body. Help them get through what is best, give recommendation in a way that will not insult them, discuss their preferences and give insights upon what is best for them in a way that they will not be hurtful. Accompany them in going through the journey because again, it might be one of a hell.
What is so hard from encouraging people with whatever their decision is, give insights upon a better condition when being asked, and be positive to other people at the best we can? Support, respect, encourage. That’s the keywords.
“Tell the mirror what you know she’s heard before” — — — Billie Eillish’s song: Idon’twannabeyouanymore.
Note that, the world, as a constructivist would say, is constructed. No exception on beauty standard. Someone said that “If your body is too skiny, go on a diet that will make you gain weight” or “when your hair is too thin, use hair tonic to make it bushy” or “when your face has too many acnes, go get some skincare”. No darling, it is not that way. By saying such a word publicly on the internet, you indirectly have set a stereotype on how being beautiful is and lemme tell you, it is bad. People does not need to have a proper body weight, a good bushy hair or a glowing-with-no-acne face to be beautiful. People may decide whatever happens with their body as long as they are happy with it.
One might argue that if we only says the good words and avoid hearing bad one, this will lead to a toxic positivity. But lads and gents, this is not a toxic positivity as a people would say, rather, this is a way for body positivity. Talking about this might need another medium post but to put it simply, toxic positivity is insisting a positive thought and even diminish people’s effort to improve themselves. While body positivity encourage you to accept yourself the way you are and see a room for improvement in any way they want. As a another human being, our task is as simple as respecting others, what’s so hard with that?
Well, well, will this stop body shaming under the umbrella of freedom of speech from happening again?
People out there might still recklessly comment other people’s appearance. We, after all, have a really low power to control when it comes to something coming from outside of ourselves. But, we do have a control upon ourselves, we have control on how we can respond to it. When someone say bad things about our body, stood up and go against it. When someone say hurtful words under the claim of a freedom of speech, block it and stay away from them. Whenever people insult us intentionally or not, and we feel insulted, stoicism’s best respond would be: do nothing. Do not even think that the insult exist which means we do not even think that the person who insult us is actually exist. Indeed, this is very hard and this could be a whole of another medium writing I make about insults. But, nevertheless, be whole by ourselves.
Accept ourselves for however we are to the point that any shame put on our body will not even budge us an inch. Accept ourselves for only by then, we will also understand and have enough wisdom to never insult other people’s appearance, to not bother people for however they look. Accept ourselves to the point that we want to be kind, encourage others and realize that there is no point at all in body shaming other people.
Accepting our body, improving it or not, loving ourselves, is not on a different side of a coin afterall. We could accept our body and not wanting to improve it because we are satisfied for what we are. We could love ourselves and still feel unsatisfied that we want to improve many aspects in our body, and thats okay too.
Knowing that our journey might be different with what others are going through, think again, which part of our “freedom of speech” that actually entitle us to speak bad, harsh, and hurtful words towards other people’s appearance?
Think again before you speak. Unless you can’t, then go ahead.
