About Living My Dream
I was on the train back home from work earlier this evening and I thought to myself
“Oh, I am super super tired”
Not to forget the fact that I was laying sick on my bed just yesterday and questioned myself how did I get this surge of energy to be able to go to work from office on the next day that turns out to be rainy and fogy. But, I just did.
Then, as I arrived, I still have to wait for my bus to come in around 17 minutes so I went to the nearest supermarket fully aware that I usually don’t like shopping here as their price is higher compared to other supermarket, but I just did. And as I made my payment, I thought to myself again,
“Oh, this is very much what little me dreamed of — working a part time job in big city like Copenhagen while doing my master study, and then being able to afford what I want without having to think too much on the price. Little me would’ve been so happy”
And a few moments later I realize, despite being tired, I was happy too. The two emotion can co-exist. I am tired, but I am also happy living this dream life. It’s just oftentimes, or most of the cases, we didn’t realize we are living the life we’ve been dreaming for.
Many reasons for that, but one that I identified was the fact that when we dreamed this dream, when we imagine this life in our next 3, 5, to 10 years, we only think of the good side. Normally, as you would do when you dream, you think of all the beauty of the percieved life. Little me would’ve thought this is so beautiful because living and working and studying abroad has all components I love in it. Maybe I did thought of some of the downside like being away from my family, or having to battle the cold, or culture shocks here and there but the sense of dreaming — the feeling that it could be our future is mesmerizing enough.
And I agree. Despite all of the downside of studying, working, and living here in Sweden, this is a memory I will cherish forever. It’s just often times again when I feel tired and I whine too much, I forgot that this was my dream. But then, when I recall again that this was my dream, I smiled.
I smiled remembering the little me who innocently dreamt of this day. I smiled remembering the younger me who was dare enough to dream big. I smiled, wanting to embrace depressed me who once tried to take her life and tell her to hold on stronger because what’s next in her life is all she’s been dreaming about.
Thinking of the past me has somehow diminish the tiredness. Physically, I was still very drained but I feel the day has been very fulfilling. I was still very tired but I smiled to all the me in the past and thought to myself,
“Thank you for keep on dreaming and holding on”.
