4 — A Letter to Me in Exactly Last Year.

30 April 2023, you said to yourself it was a 10/10 kind of day — one that is super fulfilling, made you utterly happy, and you smile from ear to ear as you call it a day. I remember it vividly: we took ourselves on a date, ate sushi, did window shopping, and had a really good time with me, myself, and I. Not that we did not cherish Ridwan’s existence in our life, but we’re longing to be alone and spend time to ourselves #introvertthings.

While we are on that topic, I remember one time we discussed it with Ridwan saying that

“Say we get married one day, will you still allow me to go out and have a me time by myself?”

He without hesitant said

“Obviously”

This was important to me. Not that we will grow tired of each other, but keeping the connection with ourselves is as important as socializing with others. Especially for me, that’s how I have enjoyed my life so far. Yes, I love it so much to go to a cinema alone, take myself to the restaurants I want, and basically go on a date by myself. Oh you silly, if you ask me now how is it, well, he still lets me have me time now, but it’s us who don’t want it. Yes, it’s you, it’s me, I do not really want to go anywhere alone without him. I had enough of my time while walking to school honestly I love it more when he walks me to school, which he did vvverrry often!

Ah yes, you may be shocked reading the paragraph. “Walking to school” is a daily activity we do these days, since August. Weird, huh? Yes, obviously it is weird for you because just a month ago we were once again placed on the waiting list. Having been there for the third time, we know that we’re not gonna make it — just like how it was, it never changed. We also were not on the recipient list of the scholarship we’ve been trying so hard to get since 3 years ago. So, how come?

Well, we did one thing differently tho. We did not decline the waiting list as we did before, and that led us to get an offer later at the end of June which led to another surprise of us suddenly getting married — yes, it comes sooner than you two have planned. Do not worry, he is indeed the one.

So, come back to our first topic of seeing how happy you were on 30 April 2023, how come I remember vividly that late May to Mid-June was among the hardest months we’ve ever been that year? I honestly did not remember how it went so hard, but looking at it, Allah gave us the test just to see how resilient we were. Without we even realize, it was a very short period compared to the upcoming period of blessings we were about to get. So, hold on.

Ah, while we’re on that topic, this is also kind of applicable to you today. Yes, me, sitting here in our apartment in Lund, and it’s April 30th, 2024. I went to Valborg today. Google it and you may not be able to believe that I attended it, but I did. My classmates are soooo nice and lovely that I am grateful to be admitted to this batch — I would not ask for any other scenario, this was perfect. So the “hold on” part is relatable as for the past month, I have been juggling between a short attention span, and an inability to focus which led me to first time skipping an exam and will be taking a re-exam instead (shocking, right?), and the feeling of anxiety over how my summer will be. It’s a lot. And it’s also a lot of information, changes, and new things for you. However, I know, for you it’s enough to know that we finally get to reach our dream, marry the man I love the most, and have our good life here in Lund, Sweden. That’s enough for you.

And that should also be enough for me, right? Yes. Many things could happen within a very short period of time. And as much as I worry about how my summer will be, writing this letter to you has been very relaxing to my mind. I know you will tell me not to worry about these things because Allah will always have the best interest for us. And that for you, it was and it will be shocking to finally have all these blessings revealed one by one. And yes, in another sense, that loooong period of blessings had happened before I wrote this. It has been a good one, and I could say that now, I am also blessed, even much more. I may have some anxiety over the uncertainties for my summer, but like you, I put my trust in Allah. You were so strong holding on on the upcoming days after today, and so I gained that strength back and will hold on strongly — as I believe, Allah will always have the best interest of me. As I believe, Allah’s plan will always be better than mine.

I really like talking with you. Enjoy the rest of the good days, and be strong whenever hardship comes. I could say this firsthand from experience:

no matter how long the period of test feels to you, the period of blessings has and always lasts much much much longer.

Love,
AA