3 — A Letter to me in March 2017
I’m sorry that this arrived a bit late. I could’ve scheduled this to be sent earlier but I didn’t know who to write until this morning: I woke up suddenly remembering you and I thought that I actually have something that you need to hear. Also, I’ve been quite tired these days — don’t worry, this is a different type of tired than what you’re having at the moment.
I know what you’re currently going through, and that’s a lot for you at that moment. The month was unveiled with harsh truths that you were not ready to see, to hear, not even to accept. However, what can I say? You gotta embrace yourself even more because more and more truths will find their way to you. I can’t believe that I am about to say this but I have to say this to recognize what it was: This was one of the most painful times you have to go through in your adulting process. I can’t believe that I said that because actually, as you go on, more and more painful pain is coming but that actually going to only make you stronger.
The whole month of March 2017 has been a roller coaster, isn’t it? Oh, wait until you see that it is actually going to be going on for a whole year. I don’t mean to scare you, rather I want you to embrace it. There will be sudden changes in our lives, we will suddenly change paths, and we will experience a lot of first times this year — in fact, for the last one, that always happens every time if only you notice. Oh, what can I say? I hope you embrace yourself and you see the sign — although you won’t.
Yes, you will be in the denial stage for quite a very long time and you actually bring the pain to yourself. I must say that today I have the feeling of regret for many decisions that I make this year, but that feeling of regret has been gradually decreasing as time goes by. I remember at least a few years back which also means a few years in the future the higher feeling of regret compared to what I feel today. I think, at the end of the day, the feeling of regret won’t actually completely be gone. It will at least a bit percentage of it lingers around and that’s actually okay — that’s actually even a good thing, I think. With that being said if you ask me whether I should change the decision I made or not, I would say not completely. Some were wrong, regardless of the perspective you choose to see. However, I see that without which, I doubt we could see the person we are today: more resilient, able to decide what we want and work on it, and completely content with what life has to offer. I am perfectly connoisseurs of the life we are in today and the decision we made this time was part of it.
The regret will bring you pain for quite some time, it will also lead to you a path you’ve never been before. It was quite painful, but now I’m standing looking at it all, I realize that I have been stronger as time goes by. I realize that now I can look back at it with a smile, and say “It was ok”. If you want to know how painful it was for me, I couldn’t read a certain book in my diary while it was me who wrote it. I even have some fear over the book that I kept it hidden somewhere. Worry not, I am completely fine with reading that book now, and that only shows we’re growing even stronger.
The decision was wholesome — that I agree, without which we would not be able to see the person we are today. Looking at those decisions today, I realize that you shouldn’t be blaming yourself for the decision you made in the past. That is because today you have so much new knowledge, new insights, and new experience that in the past you didn’t have. I don’t blame you for the decision we made or are soon to make in the rest of 2017, because you didn’t know what I know today. I must say, the decision was wrong, but many things blinded you making you unable to see or think clearly about what action has to be taken. That is okay.
If you look at this letter as a closure for the decisions we made, you’re wrong. We reached the closure a few years back and this letter acts as a reinforcement that it was okay. I’m okay with remembering you, but, if happens that you’re currently in tears, I’m hugging you tightly.
Look forward to the upcoming March in the years to come. at least this year, we have one of our best.
love,
Anin.
