11 — A Letter to Me in 2022

I am fully aware that this one is a long overdue letter. For a good amount of time, I was considering whether I should be writing to you or to a 2 years younger you. The me in 2020 was in the middle of high uncertainties and innocently strong to face of what’s to come, little did she know all that’s to come are stormy days. You, specifically, faces the most storm to the point we felt like giving up.

One thing I would say to you is, thank you for not giving up. I understand it was so hard, even us no longer has the willingness to help ourselves and that was the worst. I remember 31st of December 2021 being one of our hardest day remembering that the whole 2021 was nothing but hard days and people’s recap of their achievements and good things in 2021 made us feel even worse. I remember swallowing all those pills just to fall asleep because our head was so noisy to the point that we hear every single detail of bad things. 2022 turns out was half-half.

The first half was a full of ups and downs, exactly the title of our first diary 5 years back for you, 7 years back for me. We felt uncertain with our life because we were expecting of something to come in late March. It didn’t come and it somehow led us to the life we less preferred but turns out to be the moment of learning, of growth, of constantly peeling all layers of onion. Mid May, we feel like losing ourselves again but this time, much more help came to us. This time, we are no longer alone.

I understand holding on to all of this was not easy and for that, thank you for being so strong. All of the good things I can enjoy now; from being abroad with a husband (yes, we’re married to our bestfriend), to being able to travel with him, and pursue a master study which we love so much and have led us to the next goal we didn’t even dream of before, all of these, is only possible because you hold on.

The year 2022 was the year where we have to pat ourselves a lot. This was the year where we tried to make peace with the situation. This was the year where we create our own closure of things left unexplained. This was the year we face the worst yet the strongest version of ourselves. This was the year I finally realize how strong and brave I am. For that, I thank myself.

This letter is long overdue but I remember you being the most patient version of myself. For that, thank you for teaching me so many lessons.

Best,
Your 2 years older self.